Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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