My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
