She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's blow job season.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
