He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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