New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
