Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So much rum. So many feels.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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