if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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