super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
