Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
