I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
