The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
