He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
