Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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