hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
