how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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