I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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