There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
