Only a mothe r could love this liver
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
