You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
