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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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