I wannas sexs uuuuu
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Floor bacon is actually really good
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