Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
