i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
