Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
