I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
