I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
