This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
