I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
