I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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