Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
