Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
