when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
