if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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