remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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