omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
