a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
