community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
