i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
