There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
