I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
