so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
should my penis look like a turkey
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
