we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
