Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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