stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Two words: nipple clamps
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