Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
