I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
