12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
accomplished twins. life is a go
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
