i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Randomize
