i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
