Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
