Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
