I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
that may or may not have been my penis.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
